Happiness

I was taking off my soccer stuff at my locker a few nights back after practice, when I heard a noise. I turned around to see an underclassmen girl pick up a piece of paper she had dropped. I creeped on her a bit and watched as she taped the paper to the wall, turned the corner, and walked off. After I was finished, I followed her path to see what signs she had put up. She was running for class vice president. There was a sign taped to the wall about every five feet. 

I had first seen these signs appear about three days earlier. I happen to know that this girl ran for president earlier this year, however, did not make it. Apparently she wants to try again, a most noble sign of persistence. But while I watched this girl walk away I noticed that her bag was three times to big for her body. I also know that she has been chosen to go to Africa for some group thing, which appears to be quite the honor. I know a lot about this person, considering I have never spoken with her.  

But as I watched her walk away, i couldn’t help being reminded of myself. I was once that ambitious, believing that in order to succeed, I would have to do everything, completely occupying my time with school and volunteer work. My time is still mostly filled with these activities, but I take solace in the fact that I can at least recognize my folly actions, because, right now, I’m not so sure that these things will make me happy. I see this girl, and she doesn’t look happy, only hopeful. hope is good, don’t get me wrong, but it’s no substitute for happiness. She seems so innocent, truly believing that she will one day succeed, and I have no doubts she will, because that is what it takes to succeed, undying determination. And I suppose I had, and still have that; its a good quality to have, the problem lies in what you are trying to succeed in.

I am almost sure that I am capable of going to a good school, getting a good job, and having everything a person wants out of life. I have no doubt that I will succeed in all that I attempt. I know that there may be some minor failures, but one’s I will overcome, eventually. In the long run though, one fact remains true, I will succeed. 

But will I be happy?

Success and happiness are not the same, however are commonly confused as being such. I can easily succeed, but it’s not so easy to be happy. I see this girl and she doesn’t look happy. She looks overworked and under quite some stress. She is far to young to experience feelings like these as are we all. And perhaps, in the end, success will bring her happiness, and I hope that it does, for her sake. But that won’t work for me. perhaps because I know that these two ideals don’t go hand in hand. 

Or maybe they do, and I am only corrupting myself with such thoughts. Maybe that is why I don’t want to succeed, and will ruin myself, thinking that if I do reach success that must mean I have given up happiness. I’m not sure. I just know that I don’t want to be 60, looking back on my years, having succeeded in everything I have attempted, and still be miserable. i couldn’t live with myself. So for now, I intend on trying to find a happy medium, because I know that all of my “accomplishments” haven’t brought me happiness, for I am not happy. There has to be something more. I suppose my search for happiness must continue. 

Peace.