Being the Best

I am obsessed with being the best. It is not enough for me to simply be good at something, to just get by. I would like to attribute my motivation to a more nobler one, and yes, I am sure that some of it stems from that, but t

heir is also a selfish one, and I cannot refute it. It is because of this selfishness that I believe my unhappiness arises. It is common sense that it is easier to succeed if you aim at a lower goal as opposed to a higher one, so why shouldn’t I simply aim lower, lower my expectations? There’s something within me that won’t allow it though, that fights off this common sense. I apparently would rather aim high and fall hard than aim low and succeed, at least that is the thinking of the little person inside me, the one that governs us all. 

I am afraid that this is exactly the type of thinking that will kill me. You know those people whose wok become their lives and whose lives become their work. The ones that cannot love, cannot be happy for if they think that if they obtain even the slightest amount of pleasure, then somehow they have settled, have not reached the top, and have decided that there is still more to conquer. I believe I am destined to be one of those people. These are the people who become bitter. They lose any sense of humanity, not pausing but a second to tear down orphanages, or foreclose on a family of eight. 

These people have lost what makes them human, what makes a person good. They are ugly people, and I do not want to be an ugo. I don’t want to be those people who now despise the very thing they used to love, for all the people who turn into these bitter ones have started out with the best of intentions. But somewhere along the way, they have forgotten the reason they did it in the first place. 

But how does one prevent this change. I have already decided that I can’t simply settle for good. When I think about my future, and the job I will eventually have, I am never clear as to what profession I will pick, but one thing is for sure. Whatever I do pick, I will be the best at. This is not a matter of if I will or not, because I know for sure, that I will be. I won’t let myself be anything but.  In this fantasy, I am a lot of things. I am successful, I am wealthy, I am respected. But am I happy? That, that I do not really know. 

Peace.