My dad

So I went to New York this week and had some really good experiences. We went to this cathedral, this really old school one. It was so cool, so beautiful. While I was there, there were candles lit. They were of course for prayers. I am not a religious person, but there are a few aspects of religion that I really rtespect Personally I can't commit to one simcaply because I don't know enough about them, and any commitment should be made with full knowledge of what you are commitiing too. But when I was there I saw candles. This is one part of religion that I really like. I like caring about people and the thought of respecting someone in that way is very meaningful to me. 

I had to light the candle. I maninly lit if for my father. I guess to understand the story I am about to tell, it is necessary to know the back story.

When I was three months my father and mother split up.My mom left, and I didn't see him for a while. When I was seven, my mom and my sister and I went to my grandparants house. My father was there. That was the first time I had seen him since I was a baby. I was only seven, so I didn't really talk to him. I wasn't sure what to say to someone I hardly knew. Because of this, I never really spent time with him. That summer, my mother got a call from my grandparents saying that my father had died. I remember how I responded. 'can I stay home?' That's how I responded to thr death of my father. That still haunts me to this day.

My father's birthday is around this time, and every year since then, I think about him during this time. When I was there I decided to light a candle for him. I didn't pray for anything in particular, just for him. It's really hard to think about him now. I know its pretty cliche, but I just wonder if he's proud of me. He is the only person ever who I have been conerned about that. When I think about him and the things I do, that's the only reason I do the things I do. It's sad really. I will never be able to make him proud. But that's all I ever want to do. I love him. 

Peace.