immaturity vs. maturity

I would consider myself mature in some ways, immature in many others though. When it comes to just casual talking between friends in the halls, or gallivanting around town, I’m crazy. I’ll sing loudly even though I know I suck. I’ll inappropriatize any sentence with ‘that’s what she said’. I’ll laugh constantly over nothing at all as if it were the funniest thing ever. I have a good time, but I’m totally immature.

But that’s only half of me, I think of it as the good half. The other half is something else completely. It’s gross, unlikeable, possibly respectable, but unfunable. It’s the mature side, and while teachers and adults enjoy this side, I almost hate it. It makes me boring. It makes me want to pay attention instead of gossip with my friends during class. It make me enjoy learning, giving the illusion that I’m smart. It makes me know stupid smart things that I don’t want to know but will add to any casual conversation making people look at me and think to themselves, “Why the hell would you say something worth saying when we’re just gabbing about stuff not worth talking about?”

But I suppose I only notice my maturity because of teachers and adults. They have always told me, “I expect more out of you.” Now, they could be just saying that. As far as I know, they say that to all their students as a means of encouraging them to do better. Only the stupid ones actually listen to it. So I listened to it and tried harder to do better. I did better. But here’s the thing about better, it’s better than average. And here’s the thing about average, it’s determined by the majority. So my mind works to think better, but most people are operating on average. See a problem here? If two minds aren’t on the same network, how can they communicate to each other. It is because of this that I am segregated from my peers. I want nothing more than to laugh and joke with them, and most times, I’m capable of doing so. But in the presence of an adult, I can’t because they expect more from me.

Is that fair? To hold some students or young adults higher than others. To inhibit the immaturity of someone whose age should allow them to be immature? I love reading and writing and thinking, but I love my Tom Cruise moments, air guitaring around my house in my underwear too. Damn you for stealing them from me.

peace