holding door=scholarship

So the past two days of my life have been, in one word, hell. And yes, that was a stab at that idiot who talked tonight. Just a small warning, this post is going to be very bitter and very mean, so if you don’t like to be around people who think negatively, please don’t read this.

I just spent my last two days at NCYL--National Council for Youth Leadership. I’m almost certain that all of us who went have the same impression of the thing--what a load of crap. When I first heard about this, I wasn’t excited, not really anyway. I mean yeah, I like trying new things, I generally thrive in new environments, but it just seemed like another something to put on my college apps.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very appreciative for the chance to go, I feel very lucky, and under different circumstances, I might have had a really good experience. But there’s just one thing standing in the way of that, the fact that people will do anything if they get a reward. I really can’t stand opportunists.

Let me set this up for you. Imagine 200ish people, I’m sure all very talented, vying for the chance at approximately 20 scholarships. The recipients must be picked in two days, in which time you must impress the judges with your spectacular, spectacular leadership abilities. God, please shoot me.

It was sickening how nice people were. There was always someone holding the door, always someone introducing themselves to you, always someone trying to lead your group. Why would one complain about such kindness, you ask? Isn’t this how we want our society to be, cooperative, communal, hospitable? Yeah, sure, normally I’d be preaching that doctrine along with all the other hippies, if only it were real. I have a very hard time believing that these people act like this everyday. I believe only one person I didn’t know has ever held the door open for me during my years at Kennedy. I don’t think I have ever seen someone introduce themselves to the new kid unless instructed to do so, and I have never once seen a student get up during an assembly and start the wave. You all lie, all of you. But hey, you get some money, so go for it.

This conference really made me want to not be a nice person. I normally would hold the door open for people, it’s a habit. But after I noticed what was going on, I refused. There was always the same kid holding the door, I swear, he must have sprinted to get to it first. I sincerely wanted to go around and smack people across the face, stomp on their feet, and trip them down the steps, just to get some real emotion going. And why did all these people act so fake, so overly happy, so friendly? Because they could win a $100 scholarship. I’m sorry, but it’s not worth it, you can’t by my dignity with $100. Make it in the thousands, perhaps, but I’m not gonna kiss your ass to make a Benjamin.

For me, it’s not even about the money. This whole thing made me realize something. Maybe that’s all life is. Maybe this conference prepared us for the real world. Maybe what we were supposed to learn is that if you want to make bank, you have to be fake. As long as you act like a kind person, you don’t actually have to be one. You don’t have to believe in what you do, you just have to be a good enough actor to make it seem like you do. I’m not okay with that, though. I live off of inspirational quotes that tell me that those who care are the ones who make the most difference. That’s what I want to be, someone who cares because they care, not because they might win some money. Utopian, right?

peace

p.s. Not sure how many of you noticed, but who was holding the door when we left tonight? No one. Huh.