As a child, I was told not to hate. Hate is a horrible word, my mother told me. She never said anything about the emotion. So I didn’t hate, at least I never used the word. But my toys were taken away and I was made to take a nap, so in the emotion sense, yes, I did hate.
I grew older. I learned what hate can do to a person. It is a terrible emotion, that eats away at the soul. It festers and multiplies, until it eventually consumes you. It makes you angry and cynical. I have only hated one person in my life. I do not hate him anymore. It was not a quick process, this getting over the hate. It took years. It laid in my body, simmering. Sometimes it would be strong, other times, I almost forgot about it. But it was there, oh, it was there.
For 6 whole years, I carried this hate. Then, recently, I got over it. I hardly noticed it when it happened, but I got over it. I no longer felt the burning I did when I saw his face. It was a good feeling, not hating. I told myself I didn’t hate because I had grown as a person, realized my folly actions. and had overcome this emotion with great persistence. I now realize this is not true.
“Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.”
I only figured this out recently when I begin to hate again. Like my previous hate, this is no child’s hate. This is again a hate that burns with a passion. I told myself the things I had learned, the understanding I had gained. But it didn’t work.
I now see why. Hate i a necessary evil. Its part of the grieving process, and sometimes, its good to hate. It helps you get over the things you don’t want to deal with. Do I hate now. I do not feel bad, nor guilty for this hate. At some points, I even welcome it. I will let the hate continue because it should continue. Soon I will not hate. I will not be the wiser for it, but every event in life doesn’t have to teach you a lesson.
i know you like Amdrew Sullivan so..
peace.
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